Thoughts making me reflect

Okay so, when someone insults you, they are actually showing their insecurities, what they are insecure about they are going to make a comment about that on you because this is what makes them feel better. And I know I have a very bad habit of putting myself down in front of others so they don't feel bad about being around me. These people see life through a different lens than mine, and they see me as someone who puts a lot into having good material things. But this is what I love to do and you don't do. 

Okay, so I just saw a video. https://www.youtube.com/shorts/6ClPmz1mT4A

I was reading comments and what I saw made me reflect on myself as well. I always criticize my younger sister for being loud and energetic and honestly, I just realized this is what I wanted to do but I couldn't because I felt embarrassed of being me. She did it and I couldn't. 

I am always scared of being myself, apparently because I am a people pleaser. 

(Please don't assume just the basis of this one post, I am trying to heal from my traumas, Why I am sharing this on the internet? because maybe it will or can help someone like me and also to journal my journey)

"Insulting others and Trying to humble them screams insecurity"

I am just remembering now what I did to my niece. I was asking for the mask she gave it to me but before I was able to hold it, the mask fell. She did jokingly like get it if you want and I gave her an angry gaze and told her to give it back to me, which she did. I felt bad as well about how she was so sad. Now I am thinking what triggered me to do this? 

One thought that I have is "it's disrespect to elders" and the other thought is whenever someone is themselves it makes me angry because this is what I want to do but I cannot.